Am I Jealous of my partner?! _ A new mom’s confession

Yes, I am! I am jealous of the comments my partner gets for taking care of our child.

“Oh, how sweet! He spends time with baby after work”.
Well, it’s his baby too. Don’t you think he should?

You are so lucky to have a partner who helps with everything“.
Okay. Let me get you a dictionary. Please look up the word ‘Partner’. Will you?

I don’t say these to the people, though. They are just thoughts in my head, and I usually reply with a sheepish yes.

Am I giving you a feeling that my partner is not supportive enough? That’s not true. He is much supportive, and understands how difficult a task it is to be a SAHM. But of course, his work life makes it tough to get involved in everything, which is quite understandable. Well, one of us has to bring home some money. I am just sad about the fact that I don’t get appreciated the same way he does, even though I am doing a lot more. Have you felt the same way?

Judge much?

There was this incident during a get-together at a friend’s place. It was an all-ladies/mommies party. My husband suggested leaving our son home with him and to have some light time with my friends. The moment I entered the place, this one friend came and asked me,

Ah, you left your son nicely with your husband , huh?“, followed with a wicked laugh. Everyone was listening. I didn’t know what to say. There were so many questions surfacing in my head. But I didn’t say a word. I stood there frozen.

Why is it such a bad thing? I left him with his dad, not a stranger. Then came the next comment. “You are so lucky to have a husband like him.” Why? Because he agreed to look after our son for an hour or two. I carried that baby for nine months and went through all the pain to give birth to him. I sacrificed my career to be with him and look after his every need. After all this, my husband agrees to take care of him for an hour or two. And now, he is the hero?!

It’s your turn?

Well, I am not someone who thinks equal parenting is about sharing the exact responsibilities. Obviously, it’s not an ‘I changed the diapers twice already. Now, it’s your turn’ kind of game. Babies naturally tend to demand their mother since birth. They are dependent on us for feeding, warmth, consolation, and whatnot. The bond between a mother and a baby is made already during the nine months of pregnancy. Baby takes time to be comfortable with other people around. That’s how it is, and that’s what makes the mother special. Personally I think, it’s the dad’s duty to make sure everything is going well, to be supportive, and to give the mom a break when needed, keep the love alive and make it a family; at least until the mom is ready to share the responsibilities.

In the same incident, that one person had said the same thing slightly differently. “Oh, your husband decided to give you a break. Good for you and so nice of him to be thinking that way“, it would have felt so much better. Don’t you think?

Start Appreciating!

When you think deeply about it, it’s not the compliments given, but the attitude of people who says it which irritates you. The least you can do for a mom is to stop judging her. Ask her if everything is going well. Make her feel appreciated. Offer help when required. Tell her, “You are doing great. You are a wonderful mom.” She will be glad to hear great things about the partner once she herself feels appreciated.

However, on that day, when one mom judged me for taking a break from mommy-ing, another one came forward and supported me. She said, “Well, she carried him around for nine months. Now that he is out in the world, it’s time for the dad to get some work done. Chill. It’s no big deal.

How sweet?! Isn’t she? What she did is exactly what we should do for other mothers too. After all, we are all in this together. Let us all stop judging and start appreciating! Spread the positive vibes around, and be happy!

Also Read:
My On and Off Relationship With Hindi
A Baby’s Perspective About The New World

9 thoughts on “Am I Jealous of my partner?! _ A new mom’s confession

  1. I can relate to this post. But I also want to add that I have changed my perspective towards such people. I feel people speak out their own insecurities rather than directing something towards you! Never ever take these comments personally, even if they are from people who are very close to me. Their thoughts are not your problem, if they feel the husband did a great job by taking care of baby for one hour, then I know their maths equal equation needs fixing 😄

    1. 😀 true that! And yes! I totally agree that they might be directing their own insecurities on others. But isn’t it sad when one mother does that to another? When i went through that situation, I decided that i would never do that another mom. After all, we are all in this together right 🙂

      1. Yes that’s sad and true. But with time I’ve realized that sometimes the other person is saying just out of the insecurities that even they are not aware of, so better to keep your sanity in that case 😊

  2. I don’t notice this as much, but I have noticed the mindset of previous generations towards dad’s taking the kids for a day or few hours.

    Around 10 years ago I realized how society has this attitude towards men vs women taking care of their kids. It’s pretty sick really! I used to let what I call the old outlooks of previous generations make me feel guilty when I left the kids with my husband.

    One day it hit me really hard. Kids NEED their father. Studies have shown children that get more time with their father have better problem solving/logical abilities as they age and can do better in some area’s of school. Suddenly I realized that by my taking the entire load I was doing my kids and husband a disservice! They actually need time alone together to bond.

    At first my husband kind of resented that he would need to take an hour off the tale end of work (so I could do a part time job), but eventually as they bonded more it shifted. Now my husband has the closest and most wonderful relationship with all our children (we have six). He’s the best daddy and the kids ADORE him.

    If I had never ditched the old stinky outlooks this wouldn’t be the case!

    1. Wow! First of all let me thank you for taking time to share your story here. I totally agree with what you said. Even though my husband has a busy schedule during the weekdays, he makes sure that he spends the weekday evenings and weekends with our son. It does have a great influence on him.

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